Roy and HG Guestbook
Hi guys, my daughter has her 21st next month Olympic games theme, synchronised swimming in wading pools, wii tennis, table soccer, exercise bike cycling, beach volleyball, right up the weird and wonderful. Hoping I could contract you to do a sound clip or video clip wishing Kate a happy birthday, opening ceremony is fairy pole dancers, thanks GS
During my first tour of insurgent Crazy Canuck duty down under I stumbled into Melb and whilst tending to my wounds stumbled upon the Dream from Athens. I was stunned - little did I expect the Aussies to unleash such a heinous weapon on our poor, shy, innocent, introverted, band of athletes from the Great White North. The are known for keeping the Commonwealth on its toes what with previously unleashed secret weapons such as Germaine Greer and Rolf Harris but little did we expect them to go nucleur with this new stealth weapon of HG & Roy! I was transfixed night by night as the Athens carnival unfolded as they dissected the sleepy, the possessed, the meat and gravy of the Commonwealth and lo and behold even the poor virgin pure Kiwis! I could not imagine Jacques the Rogue even having any hair left on his head by accumulated stress of being under the 7 microscope!
And then censureship by US homeland security prevented such radical fare from the Ice Dream showing up on Canadian TV screens but we expected that the duo would just their loins and find alternate ways to infiltrate with the intent of gaining unauthorized access to Canadas top secret recipe for manufacturing hockey pucks - in the eternal Aussue dream to conquer winter sports from its
top secret planning department near Mt. Kozzie. But then came the news that the Dream was dead as ABC execs conformed to pressure to negate it due to their analysis and intelligence that it was part of the Dalai Lhamas plan to wrest back Tibet from the red hordes. The Dream was flickering but we knew there still had to be spark that with Vancouver 2010 would roar to life a la an Aussie bushfire - consuming everything in its path and leaving nothing behind but crisped egos and red-eyed giant Canadian Beavers. With such material as the Great Canadian Moose and delights such as the Snow Leopard skier from Ghana - how could ABC allow this opportunity to pass on by. Must be the irreverent hand of John Howard in this somewhere.
So creative/procreative juices started to flow - maybe with contacts in the Sydney police force - at least one retired drug squad member - could we fix a parking ticket or two and get them transported (!) to Vancouver - from Moreton Bay to English Bay. A transfer of Olympian proportions . Who else could dig the dirt on the those unrlenting snowboarding matildas who train in leech infested and saltie infested billabongs - no wonder the crocs are on the endangered list alongside shy, innocent, poor Canadian blokes. The mob doesn't know what hit him.
It seems that there is a worldwide plot by the IOC to relegate the Dream to ancient history - we, even shy, retiring, respective Canucks, must rise to the defense. The IOC cannot be allowed to nix the Bradbury "Miracle On Ice" from cyber space. Jack the rogue needs to be made to ride a wallaby from Melb to the North End for such a sacrilege.
In the meantime the Keeper will be back in action unleashing his magic on the visiting Aussie womans softball team which will arrive here unsuspecting for the upcoming World Championship UP Over. We will show them some mercy and unrelenting humor - distracting from their focus as the Canadian girls cop the gold.
Oh Canada, Eh? Eh? Eh?
The Dream Lives, here , there everywhere! You little beauties!
Dear boys,
I know your not affiliated with the ABC anymore, but i'm itching to re-watch Club Buggery again. I'd like to see Turps move, shake and croon once more before he dies. I'm fed up with Deal or No Deal and want to see some more down-to-earth game shows again, witgh mor realistic prizes.
I implore you to release a DVD collection of Club Buggery. There's $ to be made for you and the ABC on this one. You might be able to sell fifty or sixty copies! So get back in contact with your old mates from the ABC and get it sorted.
If the DVD idea is out of the question, then at least allow them to put repeats on ABC2. We might as well get some use out of the fookin' channel now that they've taken "The Bill" off of it.
I didn't much care for anything you did after The Dream (2000). The bloody commercial networks squeezed the life out of you. So i'm not intrested in seeing any of that old guff again, just original Club Buggery and the Norwich one too.
Say 'hi' to the Nissan Cedrics for me.
Cheers,
Karl-Heinz Smith
Dear Roy and HG,
BRING BACK THE RANT
We grew up in Melbourne in the 60s standing on the old 26 fluid oz steel cans of Melbourne Bitter after our dads had drunk them so we could see over the crowd on the terraces at Moorabbin , Victoria Park etc. One of the defining things that formed us into the model citizens we are today was watching and hearing the coaches rant at the short break huddles.
As custodians of everything that is worth preserving about Australian culture, we appeal to you to support our campaign to BRING BACK THE RANT. No further evidence of its decline is required than the following comparison.
Exhibit A . Alan Killigrew turning purple and screaming at the Shinboners every huddle whether they were winning, losing or in-betweening. In fact Killa could even get the opposition so wound up that the dog Tex Rosenow clocked him that infamous day at Catland in 64. So imagine the impact on his own players !!
Exhibit B. Roosy calmly and quietly working his way round the players at the Swans huddle on a sunny Sunday afternoon at the SCG . Yeah we love Roosy, he's the master, but it looks like he's taking up the prayer books after 10 o'clock mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Succour in Pymble.
We thought that if Roy and HG would agree to be Patrons Of The Rant, we then need to find a coach to Bring Back The Rant . We looked first at our own clubs .
John - Pies. Mick certainly has form and must be considered a candidate. The tache also gives it that certain aura of credibility.
Simon - Dees. A cruel supporter on the fans website said that the Dees won Dean Bailey after collecting 5 matching Coca Cola bottlecaps. Lets apply the mercy rule and leave it there.
We considered other clubs . Dean "Junkyard Dog" Laidley a possibility, maybe Rocket Rodney Eade with a bit of the mongrel injected back into him, but not too prospective. On a brighter note, maybe Vossy will automatically go into Rant Mode after Fev commits his first "indiscretion" at a Gold Coast nightclub.
However, it must be admitted that at the elite level, genuine modern day Practitioners of the Rant are almost as rare as sightings of the Tiger.
So, for leadership we have turned to the amateur ranks. The enclosed Rant comes from the coach of a Melbourne amateur club of unknown heritage. We realise it may be a bit politically incorrect for play on commercial radio. The last thing we need is Our Nic saying we are anti -redheads or something like that.
Roy, HG. We know you are already thinking this is not just about the RANT. Not just about the popping vein in the forehead, the wild eyes, the flared nostrils and the spit flying from foaming lips. No - this is really all about the PASSION.
The PASSION is what has turned Australia from the Biggest Island on Earth to the Greatest Biggest Island on Earth.The PASSION is Lawrie Lawrence throwing his head around like a lassoed croc in Seoul. The PASSION is the Gold ! Gold ! Gold! in Norman at the Moscow Meet.
This is all about the future of our Great Island. As Mal Turnbull says - this is about our childern's children.
Roy, HG. We call on you - we beseech you. Patrons of the Rant.
Yours Truly
John McCarthy Simon Perrott
Hi,
I would like to know if anyone out there knows where I can get a copy of "The Carnival - 2002" which Roy and HG did during the Melbourne spring carnival? Please email me if you know how i can track it down.
Cheers
Scott
Dear Roy,
love your work. Truly.
You may have forgotten, but once you said of Ivan Lendel:
"when your life's a joke and you finally get the joke, then you can understand what the rest of the world is laughing at..."
I though "perfect!" and about 20 years ago I put that quote at the front of my PhD (which had a title of something like "the applications of multi-photon resonance ionization mass spectroscopy" or some such blah).
Just though you'd like to know.
Caio.
Ian
I work for Cricket Australia, and we'd be interested to talk to you about an opportunity coming up in the next couple of months. It'd be great if someone could give me a call or drop me a line.
Thanks,
Joe
0407 059 997
G'Day guys love your work.
Was a big fan of This sporting life, was sad to see Roy & Hg go at the end of 2008. I was hoping to download their episodes however it appears they are no longer on the pod cast list. I've tried downloading the MP3's on their archived webpage without much success (it appears many episodes are incomplete). Also any chance of getting backdated episodes before those listed on the webpage?
Many thanks,
John6r
Dear Roy and HG
Invitation: Would you be interested in opening our Eco-Living Festival in Avoca (Central Victoria)?
Best wishes
Simon (0418575525)
Hey Roy and HG
How are you all? I'm good. Love your work. My name is Matt and I need all of your help.
I went to the Penrith Police station on Sunday May 10th and I made a statement to the government from about 9.10-9.40pm. That there was no money in the budget for future generations. ($51 Billion
for Mr Sledgehammer and $11 billion for Mr Greenwashing). Where humans only need food, shelter and water to survive. (The budget does little if any of these).
So I am creating a revolution. If the following 3 goals aren't met:
1. Water from dams at Cubbie Station pumped into Darling
River.
2. Get rid of National Defence what is the point if other countries like China could over take us any day. Why can't we be Swisizerland and have banks, chocolate and cheese and be neutral.
3. To get rid of poker machines and tab machines. 'Because there taking the food off the table'. (The Whitlams (1999) Track 7: Blow up the Pokies from Album: Love this City.
So I am trying to base the revolution around V for Vendetta the movie. Where the society terrorist gives the government one year to improve their practice but if they don't then they will get over taken.
I don't plan to kill anyone or blow up anything (already enough pollution in this world already). But I believe the people who are most at fault should be named and shamed. So maybe some ads of how they succeeded in gaining money or polluting the environment to get higher up in the capitalist world.
My motives I live at Glenbrook in NSW and I can hear traffic noise from the Great Western Highway 24/7.
I am a 5th year Land and Water Science student from Sydney University. So I know about the environment and the state that it is in and I know that the current practices will make the environment more sicker.
And I've either got Bi Polar Disorder or Skitzerphrenia and I'm taking 20mg of zyprexa.
So I am pretty sick.
Other artists who I am going ask are: The Whitlams, The Living End, The Chaser team, The Good News Week team, Eskimo Joe, Midnight Oil and Evermore (New Zealand band but I’m sure they will help out).
I'm sure more artists will be found and will help out once the time comes round.
My plan was to overtake state and territory governments on May 5th you helping overtake South Australia, Queensland and Northern Territory governments with the help of the Chaser and Good News Week TV crew. The other artists for the other states. And then after one week everyone gathers in Canberra to overturn federal Parliament.
Parliament both federal and state: I believe should be made up of half men and half women. Multicultural, people with knowledge in medicine, science etc (academics) and people from the age of 18 to the age of 70. That will be a more fairer system for passing laws.
Cheers and thankyou for your time and effort in advance.
Matt
Legends,
Our household has watched the State of Origin series for close to 18 years now & almost as long with you guys on JJJ, & the T.V. muted. We literally felt gutted when we set up the ritual stereo for game 1 & didn't hear your commentary.
Well now we're on game 3 & for the first time ever, I can't stand the commentary. I never realized till now just how obnoxious it is. State of Origin will never be the same, & as such I don't think I could possibly watch it anymore with the idiots on T.V calling the game.
I'm sure I'm just one of many who would really love to hear you guys return for the next series. Please come back, we miss you.
Dear Roy and HG,
Do you think that you may be able to do a wildlife program sometime soon? something along the lines of "Roy and HG go bush in Rooty Hill'? or....perhaps 'Roy and HG get the 'ump in Alice Springs"?
I think you're both made for a good wildlife show to encourage the eco-tourists
Go you good things
Sorry bout spelling " memory "
You MUST come back to the Cauldron of LIVE TV or will you be like the Wally Lewis statue perennially on the outer, a memoery, while the cut and thrust is played live by the gladiators.. Love your stuff. But HG are you from Aussie Rules Adelaide ?
Love your work. Wish you come back to TV sometime. Maybe for next year's Winter Olympics. Cya
What's the point of watching the State of Origin without you guys? Tried to find you on my wireless for ages, but now I'm off to get ice cream.
Went looking for you on the radio where are you?
What's going on are you guys calling the State of Origin tonight?????
Howdy all. I'm wondering whether anyone knows where I can get old downloads of JJJ episodes. I've got all those on the JJJ website now, are there any more in out there in cyber land?

